2011

this year isnt over yet, but its already been quite an epic year.  i feel like i can say that bout every year actually but this year especially has been quite interesting to say the least.  ive learned and matured so much more than i ever imagined.  tons of unexpected events and situations have hit me left and right and whether good or bad, i can confidently say that ive come out of it stronger and less naive.

ive always been a trusting person, rarely ever doubting people’s word or their actions, and always believing everyone has the best intentions with everything they do.  no matter how many times ive seen lies and betrayal happen around me, i never swayed in my belief that everyone is innately GOOD.  and that they all want the best for everyone.   however, whether i like it or not, this year has opened my eyes.  i no longer believe that everyone is a GOOD person.  ive seen and experienced first-hand true maliciousness, and words and actions that really were intentionally hurtful.  ive seen malicious talk behind others backs, ive seen fakeness, selfishness, and i really wish i didnt have to learn this way, but maybe there really was no other way for me to have my eyes opened to what people are capable of doing to others on a much more deeper level than physical pain.

this semester, i feel like ive never cried more than i ever have in my entire life.    ive definitely felt heartache before but nothing like this.  and im sure ill have a whole lot more heartbreaks in the future due to what ever situations life may bring, but this year definitely has been quite  a load to handle.

but at the same time, a lot of exciting and good things have happened, and im so thankful for them, and thankful for the genuinely GOOD people in my life that i fully trust with all my heart.  pinterest once told me “God doesnt give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED, to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you the person you were meant to be”.

life n all its intricacies.

reminder

Focus and motivation.

 

its way too easy to lose it all sometimes.  and way too easy to get distracted and sidetracked.  but who said taking the easy route got you anywhere?

 

 

3rd term

i have a love-hate relationship with this 5-week semester.

i love feeling like i have all the time in the world.

i love feeling like i dont have to have my face buried in my notes 24/7

ive been loving actually exploring the island and seeing and appreciating how beautiful this place really is. despite the lack of mcdonalds or starbucks.

ive been loving meeting new people, getting to know them, and also building memories with familiar faces.

im thoroughly enjoying my new place and having a car. and also my wine+cigar nights bingo wednesdays. and banana fridays.

i fell in love with snorkeling, scuba diving and surfing!

BUT….

i HATE what we’re learning.

i do NOT appreciate 80% of our professors this term.  they either talk way too slow or they dont teach the material efficiently.

i find it SO hard to concentrate on the crap we’re learning and retain the knowledge.  probably cuz i dont find it interesting or relevant.

regards to schoolwork this term, im feelin like the honeybadger… in the words of randall, “honeybadger dont care, honeybadger dont give a shit”

done in 2 days! =)

changes

in life it is inevitable that there will be changes.  sometimes its out of nowhere, sometimes it happens over a period of time.  sometimes its BAD. sometimes its GREAT.  sometimes its shocking, sometimes its expected.  people can change within a matter of minutes. in a day.  or maybe never.  circumstances change, random episodes happen, and all these constant flips of events and people are what make life interesting.  its all part of life, what is referred to as “cest la vie”.  not that i know the language at all, doesnt sayin it in French give it a little more weight? =)

nyway, i think other than huge location or career changes, changes in people are what affect us the most.  people come into our lives, and depending on fate, serendipity, destiny, whatever you may call it, they either become a significant picture of our lives or just a passerby that leaves maybe a speck in our poster of a life. and each person that we come across leaves a mark in our lives, whether it be happiness, comfort, inspiration, anger, pain, wisdom, love, etc.  and we’re always learning from each other and leaving our own mark in other people’s lives on a daily basis whether we like it or not.

now, we can either choose to not care about this and live daily not giving a crap what kind of influence we have on others lives/impression we leave in their minds, orrr… always strive to leave a beautiful mark in everyone’s life canvas.

first time for everything

 As I was booking my depressing flight(more like a frikin journey) back to GND, I surprisingly discovered that to upgrade my seat was only $20 more! so out of curiosity and out of just pure desire to try to alleviate the pain of going back to school, i clicked on the upgrade button.  i have 3 planes to ride on, and after my first ride in the front of the plane in my enormous seat and a blankie, being able to stretch out my legs completely without touching the seat in front of me(which doesnt say much since i have short legs), and as i type this with a comp’ed coffee plus blueberry muffin by my side at the Admirals Lounge, i dont think i can ever go back.  this is kinda awesome

life

every experience, every mistake, every triumph, every failure, every achievement, is a valuable lesson learned.  taking those lessons and moving forward. 

werd

-”As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration. Other people and other people’s ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.”

-”Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don’t know about. Limit your ‘always’ and your ‘nevers.’ Continue to share your heart with people even if it has been broken. Don’t treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used. And don’t try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a Batman with a limited-edition silver bat-erang, and therefore if it stays in its original package it increases in value.”

-amy poehler

dreams

im at a point in my life where everything else but school is temporarily put on hold.  for probably.. the next 3 years.  and im honestly a bit worried since im entering the dreadful LATE 20′s and im not getting any younger.  Aging is brutal.  maybe im being paranoid but im noticing a wrinkle here and there, i feel like my metabolism is a bit slower, and on a regular basis id rather chill @ home and watch a movie then go out and party.  its straight up.. scary.

anyhow… despite the natural aging process and despite the fact that my life is on hold, i cant help but dream about the possible next steps of my life post-graduation.  yes im talkin bout having a lifetime best friend called a husband, making my own family of kids and puppies, and confirming the fact that i indeed am a responsible adult by buying my own car and house.  some people my age cringe at the thought of all this, but i THRILL at even the thought of it.  i canNOT wait until i get married. until i have kids (ideally 4), and until i get to decorate my own home and buy weekly flowers for my living room and books for my library.  i cant wait to cook meals for my family, to read to my kids, to walk the dogs around the neighborhood, and to grow old with my husband.

It’s kinda sad when i think of the reality of how women my age or younger have already started this process or even completed all the steps of adulthood, but if we spent all our time comparing ourselves to other people, we would live day to day never being satisfied.. n what kinda life is that. we all have our own timelines, our own agendas, our own roads.   and for now, my current priority is to ace these classes so that i can become an awesome doctor to be able to support and provide for my future family

VENT

O.M.G.  this semester needs to END. NOW. 

REALLY? theres STILL 23 full days left?!?! REALLY!??!?!?! its come to a point where the highlight of my day has become changing my skype status to one day less that i have to be in this prison of an island.  I feel like I’ve been in this semester for TEN YEARS.  I feel like i havent seen LA in TWENTY YEARS.  I feel like i ahvent seen my parents for THIRTY YEARS.  I feel like i havent had a mcdonalds cheeseburger for FORTY YEARS.  ok ya im exaggerating but im just frustrated and growing impatient each day that goes by.  Each day its taking extra effort to motivate myself and each day its taking a little more out of me to really enjoy my day.  It’s at that obscure point in the semester where it’s close enough to finals where I should be studying but not close enough to feel obligated to be glued to my notes, and its kinda drivin me crazy haha

but i know… time will eventually fly by and ill look back 3 weeks from now and think… damn that went by fast =P  ah the mysteries of perspective.  for now just gotta keep pushing myself so that i end this hell of a semester with no regrets!